IT'S AMAZING HOW SHE GOT FROM WHERE
SHE WAS AND TO WHERE SHE IS TODAY
She was a timid and shy young girl and very much in herself, you can see this in the photo of her on the left hand side. Her shoulders not relaxed and walked with her head down most of the time and she was a late bloomer. She had been taught empathy by her mother and to think of the other person's feelings because you don't know what they may have been going through. It did sometimes confuse her trying to fit into the unfamiliar world and who to trust? When her hormones kicked in she started standing up for herself, she wasn't going to be bullied another day longer. Fighting The Bully At School Her mother had taught her don't let anyone see it bothers you sweetheart, if someone is snarky or being mean and don't be intimidated and never let them put you down. The only problem and not realizing her uncle terrifying her when young and certain things coming up in her life she couldn't control and when feeling unsettled it would trigger her. The fight or flight response would occur and sometimes she would cower like a frightened animal and this did happen to her. There are predators wanting your children and can be in your family or a stranger.
The other photo is playing dress up with her brother and little cousin, she remembers her mother having to intervene when she and her brother were arguing, they both wanted to be the chief Indian and to keep the peace their mom said they both could be the chiefs. She loved playing being someone else and dressing up in her mother's clothing. Wearing her leopard faux fur coat, hats, shoes, dresses, jumpers and shirts. Also putting on her mom's favourite scent Musk cologne by Avon, Feeling all grown up and dabbing it on behind her ears and even spraying other perfumes on herself. She loved playing make believe and oh what fun she was having. It was better than being at school where she didn't fit in; tormented, bullied, hit and laughed at because she couldn't read and being so skinny didn't help. She'd run home from school crying and wish she could disappear, have a magician wave his magic wand and poof she was gone. Things would slowly started to change, even though she couldn't understand this environment around her .
It's always there in your being, anxiety and fear, especially when stressed and situations she couldn't control. She'd have mood swings get depressed sometimes, no she wasn't bipolar, she suffered with PMS when her period started. It would only go so far the feelings she felt then she was able to turn a switch on or off it was like bio-feed back, she'd snap out of it. Where did that come from? Living with parents with different personalities completely opposite in everyway. Her parents always arguing; which did upset her because she just wanted to live in peace and quiet. here is an example: Go Here
A woman at her mother's work was an Avon rep, do you recall Ding Dong Avon Calling? Her mom would give her daughter the samples that she adored playing with. There she was at her mother’s dresser picking out what colour she would paint on her lips from the Avon lipstick samples; that were stacked, one on top of each other. Also, her mom had given her an Avon makeup box filled with eyeshadows; pink, brown, yellow and blue and a pink blush too. In the container applicators with a blush brush to apply it all on her washed clean face. Her mother explaining you have to have your face like a blank piece of paper with nothing on it sweetheart, then create the look you want. She was in her element enjoying herself loved pretending being someone else.
60s GOGO DANCING
The photo in the blue outfit and the beautiful silver crochet ones was when she did some GoGo dancing, which didn't last very long and working for a modelling promotion agency at the end of the swinging 60s. Her mother took the photos and she loved posing and being in front of the camera and what great stories she has of back then. She was going for an interview in Mayfair a privet club to GoGo dance there and had to talk to the disc jockey. All dressed up with her BIBA makeup and of course her false eyelashes and hair pieces, she loved looking glamorous like a movie star. Thinking she was ugly if she didn't have her mask of disguises to hide behind. Wearing her maxi coat over her gorgeous silver outfit and off she goes in a taxi to this private gentlemen's club; completely clueless and went to talks to his fella and not impressed.
He did say after she said some choice words to him, not liking his attitude and didn't have the decency to turn around to talk to her. She had a very sweet soft spoken British accent, but could be very straightforward if a bloke pissed her off. Then a bad word would come out .... Where did that come from? And God forbid she never swore in front of her parents, in fact anyone. She was brought up prim and proper, her mother teaching her very good manners. Even though her dad swore all the time, his Jesus bloody Christ and bloody hell, he never used the F word.
Back to being at the club and walking away, once he turned around and saw what she look like he came running after her and apologized and remarked she had too much class to be GoGo dancing. She knew he was right and never GoGo danced again, it was short lived but still carried on modelling. He asked her out and found out he was Greek and a model too. Should she go out with him? She wasn't sure but you know when you're young the bad boys seem to get your attention. They ended up seeing each other and he wanted to marry her, thank goodness that didn't happen and their relationship didn't last that long, she broke up with him. Why? She was looking for true love and she had to be courted and someone who treated her special with a good heart. Who was attractive looking as well, after all she was very visual and everyone has their type they are looking for. He would be romantic and would sweep her off her feet, like in her picture stores. She would be able to share her secret. He would be good and kind and would love and cherish every part of her being, no matter what. That's what she was manifesting and would she be able to open up and not hold back. She had to find the man who had the key to her heart and would she find him so she could be her true authentic self? .....
This jerk definitely wasn't that fella and being strong willed she wasn't impressed how he was treating her and something happened that really upset her. As her mother would say "what arrogant sod he was". It was all about him and she wanted to be all about her. Especially after being spoiled by Her Other Boyfriend who bought her beautiful clothes and gifts, took her to nice places and treated her really well. That relationship didn't pan out she didn't have the same feelings for him and anyway she was too young and would never want to use him. She felt comfortable in that relationship, he never came on to her and most likely he wanted to be seen with a pretty girl. He was patient and perhaps hoping she would come around by treating her like a princess, he saw her shyness and wanting to be protective of her. I think she liked him because he was like the father she always wanted. Also her grandpa had written her a story called Princess Beauty, a fairy tale of everyone getting along didn't matter if you were rich or poor. A beautiful, wondrous and harmonious place filled with joy and happiness. That's how she wanted her world to be. No hate, No envy, No wars, everyone getting along and loving one another, unfortunately that's not reality. As she learned living in this world she didn't belong. She was blessed to shut it all out going into her own surreal existence having an incredible imagination and what a wonderful gift to be born with...
60s Fashion Scott Walker
A Great Video 60s Fashion
Thank goodness Twiggy became a famous model, she was skinny like her when her body started developing and looking more womanly. She did get a lot of attention from the opposite sex but was oblivious how they saw her, she just loved fashion and hiding behind her mask of disguises. Still reserved but friendly and preferred being with fellas, they were not bitchy like some girls. Till she met this wonderful young lady, they became best friends, she was like a sister she always wanted. Her parents owned a pub in the East End of London The Harrow and they were like her second family and she enjoyed staying with her friend and her two sister's. They had such fun together laughing and being silly till the wee hours in the morning..
Wonderful Story Meeting Scott Walker
She was now working at the Regent Palace and on her day off in London and passed by this gorgeous looking fella. Being very visual he caught her eye, had no idea who he was and he smiled at her and she smiled back and invited her to where he was staying. She did get a phone call a couple of days later and did see him again? There are so many stories of the swinging sixties and what a time to be living in for a girl like her, who walked to the beat of her own drum. She did it her way she didn't know any better. Her mother let her to go out into the world and learn her own life lessons for herself. Never put any restrictions on her, she was more like a sister than a mother. She was one of a kind and what a sense of humour and a great spirit and loved to help the underdog that was her mom......
These stories that are being told of sex trafficking this could have easily been her when growing up in London and she had been molested when five years old. At twenty she was raped. This other incident happened in 1971 when starting a new job in London near Bond St and was approached by a woman where she was working, she won’t go into all the details it’s in her novel. All she can say she could have easily gone down that wrong path if she hadn’t had the right people in her life. Also having the knowing picking up vibes an antenna reaching far and wide. This woman offered her a job; her words "what a beautiful young lady my clients would love you" She was confused why was she offering her a job when she already had one. Her answer "I am not interested thank you", the woman's reply "but you will make a lot of money, my clients are rich Arabs and politicians". Researching for her book she thinks she found who that woman was. She was a well known madam at that time in London. I suppose she was searching for young girls for these rich men, doesn't that sound like Maxwell Who Worked with Epstein?.
Anyway back to her story, she looked at her very puzzled and she had no idea of what she was talking about and told her again she wasn’t interested. Then the woman with bleach blonde hair and a lot of makeup said, "you will make a lot of money, I mean a lot and go all over the world and will meet famous people". She still wasn’t interested, she had met famous people before and they didn't impress her one little bit. her mother had brought her up no one was better than anyone else. Money and fame weren't on her agenda, she was looking for love. At that time she had fallen madly, deeply and passionately in love with a young French gentleman from a upper class family and had just got back from a wonderful trip in Paris, that she will never forget. She went as a young shy girl when it came to her body image and came back as a woman, had no idea how a man can pleasure a female and she was hooked. He was everything she wanted, patient, confident good looking, strong and manly; and had taken her to visit different parts of France and even Belgium meeting some of his other family. They were warm and loving with lots of hugging and kissing. She absorbed their kindness and generosity towards her, it filled her heart with so much joy and loved their French food and way of life. Except his father, he didn't like her at all and found out later why. That’s another adventure in her life’s story....
She was very blessed to have a mother who taught her no one was better than her and visa versa and treat people how you want to be treated. Nevertheless she wasn’t the type of girl who was intrigued as she had mentioned by fortune and fame. It didn't seem real, smoke and mirrors very phony that's what she was picking up on, when meeting these famous people, even though she didn't realize this at the time she was an empath. She was too sensitive but was told she should be in the movie business with those expressive eyes and looks of hers. She had some great opportunities that came her way The Swinging 60s but that wasn't her destiny and she had all those secrets that she kept to herself. Learning to fit in the best way possible and as she got older she was very good at covering up her insecurities. After all she became a good actor in real life, watching and studying others on the telly and on the big movie screen. She was able to conform and fit in anywhere, she had a lot of practice drawing how she wanted her existence to be; a chameleon from a working class background. Why was that? Because of all those years being ostracized, cut off and in a fog, bullied feeling like an alien but having that great imagination of hers that saved her. She could be whoever she wanted to be in her fantasies that was sure a blessing....
Yes she was clueless how others saw her and remember bumping into this fella, she knew him and a lot older than her. She was more attracted to older men when younger and they were the ones who would ask her out. He owned a leather company, she even remember his name quite distinctly. A lot of men she went out with had their own businesses and seemed to have money. She was walking down Carnaby St in her mini skirt, after all it was the swinging 60s. This story is in her novel, she is only going to tell the end of what happened. When driving her home said “you don’t realize you are sitting on a goldmine”. She had no idea what he was talking about and when he dropped her off at home and she asked her mother, “what does it mean I’m sitting on a goldmine mom?” Her reply “cheeky bugger you are not seeing him again”, as she shrugged her shoulders still not having any idea and went on her merry way as usual. A wandering butterfly, flitting here, there and everywhere and never settling and yearning to know what true love was. Living in her council house
DIFFERENT TYPES OF LOVE
THAT CAME INTO HER LIFE
She did find love in the end with two wonderful great loves, both well educated with good schooling, intelligent young gentlemen. They were different types of love, absorbing and learning as much as she could and they also learned a thing or two from her. Not realizing how intelligent she really was and focusing that time in her life more on her looks, thinking that's all she had to give. She must have been very smart to get to where she was, even though she had no education and learned that has nothing with intelligence and having the knowing. She was extremely grateful for two remarkable intellectuals coming into her life at the right time and falling in love with her. They saw a unique, child like quality in a womanly body, free of not being brainwashed by institutions; open to learn and not uptight and had no idea how pretty she really was. An angelic old soul, picking up vibes and taking it all in, learning her life lessons and as she learned life isn't always easy, is it? But that's what builds character and how you handle what’s presented in front of you.
She lived in her own little world and was blessed, she was extremely creative and oblivious to the evil there was out there and didn't believe in the devil. Even though she had experienced some very bad situations and there again she was brought up with an attitude not to blame, as her mother would say; "you just get on with it" That was the British way and after all it was in her DNA. Then where do you turn? Of course, you will have to look inside yourself. That's where you get your strength from and hope you learn from them and that will make you stronger and better person. When you have faith and God's love in your heart you have to forgive. If you don't you will carry that shame inside you forever. What will that do? You will never be able to truly love and move forward. Wisdom doesn't come when you are young, you have to walk through the fire to get to the other side. Little by little you become resilient and love yourself for who you are because you are Made in God's Image. He will always be there for you and will never let you down. She was able to use that reptilian part of the brain to help her when she felt danger and other times not listening to her insight that’s when she got into trouble. Having on her mother’s side of the family, they were psychic and her auntie was a clairvoyant and had many clients come to see her, she was quite amazing. At the time it scared living daylights out of her not understanding and realizing at the time the gifts she possessed.......
If we could only see the strength we do have inside us and not be weak minded and never bow down to these tyrants, it would be a better world and a place to live. She was very blessed, having God's love a free spirit with that wonderful creative imagination. No school, no church, no university to brainwash her. She was free to think as she pleased and thinking outside the box and that's an awesome gift to cherish. Perhaps that's what saved her not able to read, no education and that might have been a good thing for her. She used her insight a higher psychic consciousness, deep in her being and learned to be street smart. She was more connected to up there than down here and lived on a different hemisphere. Had the ability to feel and see what others were not able to connect with. God was looking after this young autistic girl. The twists, the turns leading her on this fascinating journey, she certainly did have an unusual life and as everyone should know we are all unique in our own way. Is this why she understands what is going on right now in 2020 and beyond? She has no fear because she has the knowing and following what her mother had shared in that dream of hers.