IT FELT LIKE I WAS BIPOLAR this was back in 2016 I couldn't cope I was in a lot of pain and stressed out. The reason why an operation had gone terrible wrong, it was to do with a deformity I was born with. Having Asperger's, ADD you do not do well with stress, the doctor I was seeing I had gone to her when my mother had passed. Seeing me overwhelmed with anxiety and mood swings feeling depressed wouldn't anybody feel these feelings when in pain and being lied to, it was hard to cope. The doctor was a kind and understanding thinking I might have Bipolar, it felt like the symptoms. Why was I going through all these emotions? Learning years later how the body holds on to vibrations from our passed, I certainly had a lot of them.  She was kind enough to  sent me to a specialised at the hospital who deals with Autism. I was properly diagnosed with (HFA) High Functioning Autism that year.  My Asperger's  which I like to call AURA. Having this syndrome if you do not look after yourself, being you are highly sensitive to your environment. This can cause all sorts of problems and behaviours. The reason why? We are not good when we do not have control of out environment it stresses us out, well it does me.  It's from our passed like I have mentioned. When I was a little girl a happy pretty little thing full of curiosity.  I'd sing and dance wanting to be a ballerina. Then somethings happened and I went into myself I became scared and full of anxiety. Don’t you think that stays in your nervous system even if you don’t remember all the experiences. It’s there in your being, deep in your soul. I was bullied, laughed at, put down at school caused me to become terribly anxious thinking I was ugly. All I wanted was to have friends and fit in and was extremely thin, very much in myself, a shy young girl with very low self esteem. When I was with my pretend friends I was happy they loved me and I could be who ever I wanted. One good thing that happened when my hormones were kicking in. I fought the big bully at school and she ran away and never came near me again.  That changed my outlook on life for the better and realising these bullies are cowards....

A LOOK* A NOISE* A  SMELL can set you off. I know it's happened to me when in pain and stressed out. I learned to put on a front to be able to cope living in this unfamiliar world of mine. I have done very well and had a very interesting life. Yes it became worse because of the lockdown, losing my Angel my little furry baby. Not seeing my clients, it’s not good for me to have too much time on my hands. I've never played the victim role, that's not me and not knowing any better so why would I. You just get on with it, that was the British way. The ones who put a smile on their face and look the happiest all the time they're usually hiding their insecurities and pain. Why? because they are empaths highly sensitive souls. My mother was a great example of this and I have lots of stories about her on my website and in my novels I have been writing.

AS YOU GET OLDER  your long term memory gets better your short term for some not as good this is why the elderly can get disheartened, their brain chemistry changes. The neurotransmitters serotonin, dopamine and your hormones decline. The stress hormones cortisol get overloaded and you’ve heard that saying grumpy old man. Our brains get clog up with all the pollution, negativity and you can get depressed upset and unhappy. That’s why a lot of people turn to alcohol and drugs. I saw my mother go through her difficulties because of pain and she had Cancer 3  times in her life. All the things that happened to her she was on prescription medication most of her life. Yes you put a smile on your face for others, I had a great teacher my dear old mum. I became a very good actor to be able to live on this planet. As my mum would say; "you have no idea what others may be going through and think of the other persons feelings" Yes my mother was an empath. 

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THE REASON I AM SHARING Look what this pandemic has done how many have committed suicide, especially the young, it is an epidemic.  Seeing families and friends splitting up fear can do that and this is what they wanted here in Canada. I know our Prime Minister coursed a lot of anxiety with his rhetoric and it coursed a lot of separation I saw it for myself with family and friends. There’s so much negativity around us today the world is a different place. I wanted to stay positive not be in pain and in despair.  I prayed 🙏🏽 and prayed 🙏🏽 for my heart to please help and give me answers knowing there were others out there suffering. I promised if I found help for my husband and myself and to get my confidence back. I would share like I did many years ago having an article in the newspaper how I was helping our son without medication. Doctors, psychiatrist, therapists got in touch with me they were very interested there wasn't that much info back then. I wanting to help parents with special needs children who were extremely stressed out. Perhaps they were looking for the natural approach having a child, children or themselves experiencing problems with different symptoms under the autism spectrum umbrella.